The Joy Of Solitude

Tags

Absence, Alone, Remoteness, Solitude, Unfrequented

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone” Paul Tillich, American-German philosopher.

Up until recent times, preferring one’s own company, or rather the peace of solitude, has been somewhat of a taboo subject. It is assumed that you must be lonely or some sort of social oddity, but that is definitely not the case.

There is, in my opinion, no greater feeling than spending time by oneself. From being able to travel the world freely to being able to enjoy a glass of wine whilst sat people watching outside a café, solitude is indeed one of life’s great pleasures. The need to rely on other people for happiness is totally removed, and is replaced by a deep sense of joy. You can come and go as you please; whether it be a day sightseeing around a foreign city or staying inside and reading, the key to solitude is that it offers you total freedom. You do not have to wait around for anyone else, or spend your time compromising and feeling resentful that you are not free to do what it is you want to do.

Of course, you will always encounter people who wax lyrical about being in a couple, sharing absolutely everything together. However, just watch how they change when their partner is away; they do what they really want to do and actually start to experience the pleasure that solitude brings. Until you have experienced this, you can not be entirely sure of your inner desires and needs. Time spent alone, reflecting and pondering, are vital for personal development. You have a greater sense of yourself and of the need to have space in all personal relationships for them to flourish. So the next time you see that person sat alone outside a European café or sat beside a river, don’t assume they’re lonely. They are the most contented person in the world at that very moment.

Anti-Social Networking

Tags

Facebook, Internet, Social Networking, Twitter

It has been documented in several articles recently, and it got me thinking: is social networking really a good thing?

With the sharp rise in popularity of sites such as Facebook and Twitter, it has given many people access to a worldwide network of people. You could be sat on a plane across America and be communicating with someone in Europe. So, if it keeps you connected to people, how could it ever be bad? Well, the problem with the internet has often been that not everyone or everything is as it seems. People can create a smokescreen or an alias, and whilst you think you are communicating with twenty year old Mr A from California, you’re actually talking to fifty year old Mr B from Turkey.

Not everyone out there is bad, nor are they hiding behind aliases. But, there is a darker side to social networking, and it has the ability to swallow up even the most decent person. They get sucked in to a world where the daily musings on Twitter or Facebook become the first thing they have to read in a morning, or the last thing they read at night. They “converse” with other people through tweets or posts, and convince themselves that they have many friends. I have met people through social networking sites, and it has been pretty hit and miss – ok, let’s not lie – it has often been a complete disaster. What people say about themselves online and what they actually are in person can be wildly conflicting. I actually met one person who, through the entire night, spent a large portion of time on their phone checking Twitter constantly.   If this is how they treat their real-life friends, it’s little wonder that they’ve retreated to a virtual reality.  Social networking where you are actually networking or keeping in touch with, and making new friends, is great and breaks down barriers.  However, it seems the internet has led to many people experiencing a distorted sense of ego.

Social networking seems to stem from a strong desire to be connected to people, and can often be an aid for lonely people or people without many real life friends. It allows them to reach out and communicate with people at any time and at any place. But at the end of the day, whilst you may have a couple of thousand “friends” on Facebook, or a few thousand followers on Twitter, how many of these people actually know and like the real-life you rather than a cyberspace version of yourself where you have created a fake persona? 

The Middle Aged Superfan

Tags

Social Networking, Superfan

The idea of worshipping a singer or an actor from afar, and dreaming of marrying them was always the domain of the teenage girl. Posters would adorn walls, CDs would be purchased and maybe, if they were fortunate enough, they’d get to see their idol play live. The teenage girl would then grow up, get a career and settle down.

However, there is now a dangerous new breed of “superfan”, and from a distance, these women appear to be normal, respectable moms or wives aged between about thirty and forty five. Look a little closer, though, and you’ll see they have online aliases that are often only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to their fantasy world. These women will stop at nothing to see and meet their idols live, and are prepared to sacrifice careers and even family life to achieve it. These people are dangerous, and they get to know like-minded women online via social networking sites like Twitter. They buy tickets to all of the band’s events, often travelling worldwide. They will often say how unhappy their husbands are with them, but that “he has no choice,” or, “I’ll say it’s a business trip!” They have got the disposable income that they didn’t have when they were younger, so they are able to indulge in their fantasy to extreme levels. There are often conversations take place which would make even the most open-minded people wince, especially when you consider that these women are both old enough to know better, and conversing with girls half their age who are easily led astray. At best, these women are bored housewives who settled down too young and are now seeking to relive their youth. At worst, they are dangerous stalkers who have blurred the boundaries between real-life and fantasy, and believe in that their teenage-girl-like crushes are genuine. They have the money to travel the world and pursue the person in question, which they didn’t have when they were fifteen.

Sometimes, it goes further than just an obsession and can, on occasion, becomes infatuation. There are women who will spend thousands going to every show that a singer or a band plays at, and befriends all of their friends and family in the hope of getting closer to said person. If it were a real life situation, it would be alarming, but because they often tell very few people from their “real” life about their secret fantasy world, they never get found out.

You may say that everyone has the freedom to do what they wish with their money and time, and that is true. However, when you are using your spare time involves travelling thousands of miles to see someone who you fantasise about, and not telling your real friends or even your family the truth about it, you should consider why you aren’t telling them the truth. The real issue is this behaviour is far from normal and indicates problems in you and/or your life that won’t be resolved by running away and creating an online world of fantasy.